dear blog, it has been a while since i last came here. mama is out of hospital, and back home. things are ok for her now... shes in no danger... still i wish that no more bad things will happen to her...
SR D&D was the other day, on last wed. the thing was ok, but the food and ambience was not so good. Lina won the Miss SR, and Desmond won Mr SR. hahaha yeah!
they deserve to win. Lina was so happy... then after that, went clubbing with Zila and Lina, along with Omar, jasmine's friend. had a UT after that on thurs, but things turned out pretty ok. Missed fridays lesson due to exhaustion.
haiz... things are turning out pretty hard for me to catch up with..
u know... i have been feeling restless these days, for quite some time already... i dont know the reason... i dont know what it is... u know what... i just feel so... empty... yeah.. thats the word... empty...
but its because of this emptiness that i can sense things i dont normally do... like how others think and act, what is on their minds n such.. its sad u know...
like say... Et.. i betcha he is feeling lonely now, having no one to really confide to, ever since 2 years ago... and Hz... though he seems fine, he really is not. trying to hide all that.. is something like a time bomb... keeping everything in n such... will only destroy u..
ed, struggling with the status gaps he found in his life, trying to be better and fighting so hard for it... mostly because of money...
andrew, though he has no cash flow probs, his heart is jumbled... and things arent going as well as he hoped. he is lonely too.. and tries to hide it by going out and running from reality...
Noel, anti social coz he has been hurt before in real life, not being able to really trust others...
as for me, im just like a scared little boy, running away... u know what? i realised something after all this time... you can change how u look, walk or talk or behave, but something reamains in you that will never change, or rather, cannot change... maybe its the personality you were born with.... to me, its all a blur, not being able to see a clear end, a definate goal, a place to be. maybe its why i keep withdrawing into my shell... hiding and shying away..
i look around.. and what i see is just... blur... like im in a dream... even though i know im wide awake.. i see, but i dont see, i hear, but i dont hear, i touch, but i dont feel, i laugh, but its forced, i eat, but i dont taste. what is wrong? is this depression? even though i dont feel depressed, what is going on? i dont understand... because of this... im losing my will power... and even cutting class alot... but i dont want this... i was ok before... but what happened now?
sometimes, i feel like im not even there... like im disappearing...
nx week is si lings bd... on da 26th... i wonder what i shld get for her...
also... december is gonna be my sch hols... going to zouk out...
december is also my birthday...
and also angelia's... shld i call n wish her?
its also X'mas...
how noglastic..
where have all the good old days gone?
ahh yes... the SR did pics i will upload later.... in a few days time, when i get all the pics from the different sources... haha...
been looking around too... and not liking what i see... things happening... and such... and i desperately need someone to help me wake up in the mornings!! i dont wanna miss more classes! i wanna change... like i always have... the unique thing about people is their ability to change and adapt... not doing so will leave you behind...
its hard to accept facts and truth... but is it not worse living in a lie? its painful... should i, like what one of my friends said to "fuck it all off" ?
u know what blog? i feel isolated... and its self isolation... i cant open up... its so hard... why? how come when i feel happy or embarrassed i react as such? sometimes even the littlest provocation drives me nuts and i become hostile... like the event with azad... it was just a little thing, and i was in the wrong... how did it turn out like that...
cycling with the old man that day when they came over to stay... haha it was fun... in fact.. i do miss cycling... no cycling buddies... otherwise i can train like that too... but haha.. i had a sore butt that day... coz my seat is hard.. and we cycled for hours... X.x
i feel bored too...
ok! i have bitched too much for today already... time to end it all here... ha.. i guess i'll upload the pics later then..
