FNCB. failed again! knn.... haiz.. not fated lar.. must study harder for it... sianz 1/2... dunno wads going on.... anyway... friday was a blasT!! again, slack, do no shiet, and eat pizza again. might get a good grade too.... hahaha!!!
sat was tiring @ work... damn shagged. also, dun like one of the staff there... shes.. damn... IRRITATING!!! haiz.. wad to do... shes still young also. damn. also.. theres a new staff there... also FroM RP!! wahahaha... small world seh. had fun again.. going crazy! chillin here n there... clubbing again... running all over the palce...
YS is going to serve the nations call, he will be the latest batch going to protect and defend the country. banzai singapore! we had the long awaited bbq @ my place today... steak, chix, satay and stuff plus wine... ate myself sick man. we have been partying so much with him these days... super slack man.. and... i ran out of cash again... X.x dunno wad i spend on. haiz... start saving.. start saving.. gotta party in eski bar during the Hols man! also... things are happening... kissed zil that day... dont know why... ya go make me lose my mind, up it here, up it here!
working tomorrow @ 11.. dun feel like sleepin yet... bothered abt work... first time i cleaned the walls in SR in 4 years man!! omfg. haiz... justin left already... angie coming back... i kinda get the feeling that she kicked justin away man... and thats so fucked. Fucked fUcked fuCked. hate ppl like that... using personal relations to get to the places they want. people like that have no backbone, and to me, they are useless fucks who cant do nuts by themselves. adam n the other pplz working there are all having less time there... damn man... no one to chill with already... screwwwwwwed!! pplz... hahaha... SORRRRY, P-U-R-P-O-S-E-L-Y AHAHAHA!! I LIKE~~~~ DUDE!
how am i feeling? well... mixing with noel more often again... and he told me some things about someone... shes askin how i am, dis n that... and shes been crazy... perhaps stress? also...we have not been contacting already... for god knows wad reason.. also... if ya wanna know how i am... why not just ask? we can be adults abt this right? sometimes its so stressful to like someone... -.-" but with her being stressed n such... i dont blame her... i nv did... all i wondered was if she needs any help... if theres anything i can do man.. just to help out.. ya know? i mean... we are still friends right? are we? i dont know that too..
i know what im doing is wrong too... to like someone who already has someone she likes... thats why i didnt do anything... nv asked her out.. didnt chat... didnt do dis or that...always giving way... backing off... was not there for her... but... but... its such a cheap and despicable act, something that even I, even the bastard jon, dont wish to happen to someone else...as i have had that happen to me b4...i know how it feels...its like a knife in the gut.. being twisted around and around.. and the other person dont even have the mercy to pull the sword out... but stays there and laughs @ you... it was that act.. that made me the jon i am today... i lost it... i really did. i was a better person b4... that... happened
its a matter of honor. i will not be like other people to be like that... and even if i get hurt for it... i guess its better that one person gets hurt, rather than others.. i have always thought its ok u know... ok if im the only one hurt.. i can take it... im strong... i dont need feelings... i can keep them locked away. i can... and thats why i do... regret.for me... i believe that the most impt thing for a loved one is for that person to be happy... i would sacrifice anything for that person, anything @ all... i would kill, fight, and die if i have to for a loved one to be happy... and i believe death is a better option than seeing the person u love cry in front of you..i know... im different from others, my thinking is that different... im weird... thats what others think... they dont know me.. at all... im sorry i cant be perfect... and... i think... that you dont know me very well too girl..
thats what im doing... looking back yea... i could have done this, i should have done that... but... i live by my honor. thats the proudest way i think i person can live by. all i can do is look forward, wish the best for someone special, and move on...
but then... i lost didnt i?
*incoherent ramblings from a deranged mind*
